Finding Your Mr. Right

Originally Posted May 5, 2011

Finding Your Mr. Right

Some may wonder why am I always blogging about men? Because I want one dammit like every other single woman in the world. As Kevin Hart likes to say "don't judge me". Personally I LOVE MEN. I love everything about them from their voice, walk, ego, and much more. Have you ever watched a man eat his food? You can learn a lot about a man just from doing that. For those of you who think you can tell a man's "manhood" by his feet; think again it's by his hands. Just an FYI out there for the ladies. There is nothing like having a good man; your OWN good man. Not somebody else's.
Regarding the article below I'm glad somebody else agrees with me; dating should be a must for single women. After all it's just a date. Who cares if you date a lot; dating does not equal sex; it's a date. Have fun and enjoy the journey to finding your Mr. Right. Sitting at home every weekend will get you just that; sitting at home every weekend. Get up and Get out! You might get lucky and stumble into someone that looks like him, Lance Gross.  Angie

Finding Mr. Right-for-You:


Why You Should Go Out With Imperfect Men

by Laura Doyle

You might be tempted to say "no thanks" when you think there's no chance of a future with a particular guy. Instead consider going out on all the dates you can. After you cast a wide net, take a look at the bounty. You may be pleasantly surprised by your catch.

One benefit of accepting all the dates you can is that you won't prematurely rule out a man who's right for you. You're giving everyone a chance, and in so doing you're letting go of your prejudices, assumptions, and quick judgments about them. Whatever your prior experience with a certain man, you'll be able to make a more informed judgment about him after you've spent an evening together.
Going on a date with someone you might have refused before is simply about resigning your judgments - not your whole being. Remember that just because you agree to go out on a date with a guy doesn't mean you agree to anything more than spending some time with him.

You haven't committed to kiss him, to go on a second date, or to do anything else. You certainly don't owe him anything. Paying for the date is his wager that he can win your affection, and you are being fair simply by giving him that opportunity. There are no strings attached to what he gives you, so don't attach any yourself or act as if there are.

Your Personal Coming Out Party

Most important, accepting dates liberally helps you get into a groove. You've probably had prior experience with this groove. It's when you suddenly go from having no promising prospects to having several men pursuing you at once. Being in the groove is the manifestation of that old expression "when it rains, it pours."
When you are being wooed by a man, it awakens your feminine energy and confidence. Even if you're not interested in someone, it still feels good to know he's interested in you. That knowledge triggers you to "send out your scent," as my friend Candace would say. What she meant was that it lowered my defenses and replaced them with openness and a self-confident glow.

Knowing that a man is enamored of you reminds you that you're attractive and desirable. As a result you walk taller and smile brighter. You body language is open. You're sending out the message that you are receptive. That why just knowing some man somewhere is interested in you will make you more attractive to all the other men you encounter. Thus, accepting a date from a man -- any man -- can help you attract other offers.

That means it's in your best interest to accept an invitation, even if it's not from a hot prospect. Look at it as practice or consider it the kickoff to the dating season. Think of it as your own personal coming out party. It doesn't matter who you come out with, as long as you come out and let everyone know that you're available.

From The Surrendered Single by Laura Doyle. Copyright 2002 by Laura Doyle. Reprinted by permission by Fireside/Simon & Schuster, Inc.

Unexpected Signs of Great Relationships

Originally Posted - Friday, April 29, 2011

Unexpected Signs of Great Relationships

Unexpected Signs of Great Relationships
By: Reed Walton

http://www.bettyconfidential.com/ar/h/a/a00120.html

It sounds funny, but I knew my guy was a keeper because of underwear.

And I'm not even talking my most seductive, bejeweled (and staggeringly expensive) attention-grabber thong. Far from it--the revelation came over an embarrassing pair of grannylicious cotton period panties.

Ladies, you know what I'm talking about.

Somehow, these incriminating undergarments ended up mixed in with my boyfriend's laundry. We didn't live together then, so they must have taken a ride in one of my overnight bags. I was struck dumb when he pulled them out of the pile, holding them with two fingers as one would a dirty Kleenex, and said, "I think these are yours."

I nodded, trying not to cringe too visibly.

But what he did next threw me for a very pleasant loop. He pulled open his own underwear drawer--the sanctum sanctorum of grubby maleness--and dropped my briefs right in.

"I'll just keep them here in case you need them," he said.

Have you ever gotten a surprise "A" on a test you felt sure you were going to fail? Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt right then.

To be fair, though, the test was my boyfriend's, and he passed like a champ. Most women are aware of the fine line they must walk--between revealing too little and revealing too much--at the beginning of a relationship. As the relationship unfolds, you begin to take notice of the little "milestones" that can indicate whether your partner accepts you as you are, or perhaps has some unrealistic expectations.

For instance, one of my good friends has been with her boyfriend for over a year--they even live together--but he still gets indignant when they're alone, chilling on the couch, and she passes gas.

When they're alone. Together.

He insists that "ladies should excuse themselves to the bathroom if they have to do that."

However, it's apparently perfectly fine for him to butt-babble in front of her, God and everybody. Well, ladies, I don't know about you, but if that's the case I'd have some days when I'd spend more time "excusing myself to the bathroom" than in my man's company. I mean, you don't have to audibly blow the bum trumpet on the first date or anything, but after a while, a guy's going to have to get used to the fact that you are just as human as he is.

Of course, there will always be personal things that members of a couple want to keep personal. Maybe you don't invite him into the bathroom while you put cr�me bleach on your upper lip and tweeze stray bikini hairs. He's not likely to invite you to ogle his Jessica Alba screensaver or help him rub Rogaine on the back of his head. That's perfectly all right, I say--it's part of the mystique that makes fairly new relationships so alluring.

But if he sails through that first fart, that first box of tampons left under his sink, that first pair of stained undies, and barely bats an eye, I think you've got yourself a winner.

Orginally Posted by Ms. Angela's Stuff at 11:38 AM

Can "No Strings Attached" Relationships Really Work?

Originally Posted - Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Can "No Strings Attached" Relationships Really Work?

I found this article/blog from Betty Confidential interesting. Many of us women (I'm guilty of this as well) think we can have occassional sex with men and not develop feelings. Knowing what I know now I would not recommend this type of relationship. It can get lonely sometimes and some of us can't go without very long and we think he/she may be filling a need on occassions but somebody is bound to catch real feelings and more than likely the other person won't be on the "same page" which equates to rejection & someone feelings get hurt. It's best to get a hobby or seriously consider celibacy.  Isn't Ashton Kutcher dreamy, love him!
Angie
http://www.bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/can-no-strings-attached-relationships-really-work.html
-Lindsay Tigar

When Harry Met Sally taught us that men and women can never be just friends. He’s Just Not That Into You showed us how to stop obsessing about every detail and accept there are no exceptions (until of course, the end of the movie). And The Ugly Truth shed light on the true power a woman has over a man, simply with her body.

But what about the notorious "friends with benefits" relationship? Have no fear, our rom com instructional guide about sex without relationships, No Strings Attached, comes out this Friday, starring Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher.

While the movie is sure to be a hopeless (or is it hopeful?) romantic crowd pleaser – us Bettys wonder if there is any merit or benefit to shagging without commitment. Or really, if it is a possibility without wrecking our (or his) emotions. I mean, don’t most FWBs leave us wondering WTF?

To help unravel the sheets and get to the core of these partnerships that so many women admit being involved in – we spoke to two experts: Manhattan-based fourth-generation matchmaker, Maria Avgitidis or better known as Maria the Date Coach, and Stephanie Florman, a relationship coach who’s been featured on Fox News, blogtalkradio, and more. They give us the scoop on this relationship that’s gaining media action and encouraging hook-ups nationwide:

When did the "Friends with Benefits" relationship become so mainstream?

Maria: Although I'd argue "FWB" has always existed through the history of sex, I believe its "mainstream" popularity became prevalent in the '90s, mostly due to its entrance in popular sitcoms like Melrose Place and 90210.

Stephanie: I would say there are 3 factors that have made FWB mainstream: First, online dating leads us to believe that the perfect person is just a check box away, so our expectations have increased as we have lost our ability to compromise. Secondly, we live in a world that creates commitment phobic people; there are too many choices and we know that the newer, bigger, better model is just around the corner. Lastly, people are waiting until later to get married or are questioning if they want marriage. In theory, a FWB can fulfill the relationship need, while making it clear that the relationship is not the priority.

Is it possible to have a "successful" friends-with-benefits relationship?

Maria: Yes, as long as both parties understand that a FWB relationship is not a "normal" relationship. Communication should be limited to sex, no sleepovers, and most importantly, not often! I think the reason why FWB relationships don't last is because some "couples" enjoy the sex, and do it too often, thus confusing at least one party in the relationship into lust/love. If the other party is on the road to FWB, and the other is driving a FWB to a relationship, someone is bound to get hurt... and that someone is the driver.

Stephanie: It sounds great in theory, but it is not possible to have a “successful” FWB relationship because men and women are fundamentally different when it comes to sex. A man is physically designed to have sex with no strings attached. A woman is designed to have sex selectively, which means she cannot have sex and detach -- thanks to a little hormone called oxytocin (men have this hormone also, women are just more affected by it). This is the “bonding” hormone that makes the woman want to cuddle, connect emotionally and communicate about the relationship. The female brain needs to talk about relationships like the male brain needs sex.

What are the pros and cons of a FWB relationship?

Maria: Pros: SEX! And it's probably good sex too... otherwise, what on earth is the point? Cons: Someone might fall in love, and as most FWB would have it, it's all down hill from there.

Stephanie: The pros of a FWB relationship only happen when you add commitment into the equation. If you add commitment, FWB becomes the relationship ideal men and women are searching for. We all want the friendship; someone we trust, respect and admire, who we enjoy spending time with, a person who shares our values and interests and who we communicate well with. We also want the sexual benefits; someone we are attracted to and have chemistry with and a person who is sexually compatible with us. The commitment will soothe the female brain that needs clarity and harmony to function properly, and this harmony will make her more trusting. The more she trusts the guy, the more open she will become which means more sexual fun and experimentation for both of you.

Would you ever recommend this type of relationship?

Maria: I don't believe a FWB is a relationship, per se. A relationship would imply work into a partnership. Thus, I wouldn't recommend a FWB situation as your only relationship resource. If you're looking for something casual, sure. But otherwise, stay away if you’re the type who gets insecure or jealous or easily attached!

Stephanie: No, because it does not make sense biologically. The guy will get excited about the proposition and will want to follow the rules of engagement, while the girl will agree to accept this arrangement with the secret hope that she will change his mind and become his girlfriend (not the girl he is having sex with). A FWB relationship can also become a messy situation if one person decides they want a committed relationship. The friend becomes a threat to your future relationships’ success.

Maria: I know one couple that’s made FWB work for almost 10 months. Though they are friends and hang out once or twice among friends, they do meet once a month for sex. It's worked because they set up limits from the get go. That limit was limiting having sex to a maximum twice a month between them.

Stephanie: There was one girl that engaged in a FWB "relationship" because neither party wanted to engage in a serious relationship at the time due to their hectic schedules. She fell in love with him, but he continued to view her as a sex buddy. Long story short, once he realized she grew feelings, he disappeared. When he began their FWB relationship, it was under a different pretense, which no longer existed. He wasn't willing to meet the way she felt about him, and ultimately she got hurt.

Is it just the stuff of movies, or can friends with benefits be a fun way to have sex with no commitment?

Originally Posted by Ms. Angela's Stuff at 1:18 PM

Do Soul Mates Exist, Black Women not marrying and HIV

originally posted - Saturday, April 16, 2011

An FB Friend recently sent me the very passionate message below... and I aint gonna front about being able to provide the right answers for these valid concerns! Maybe yall can help me out because I’m just as perplexed about some of these serious issues too, and wonder if they truly prevent someone from finding a “Soulmate.” BTW, what is your definition of a SOULMATE and is there one out there for you or have you given up the search?
“Hey TN, Im reading this “Soulmate” documentary by Andrea Wiley and Im not liking what is being said about Black Women, especially the Over 40 crew which includes me. I’m bringing it to you for your opinion. It reads that Black Women are 5X’s more likely to remain SINGLE than white women; 42% of us will NEVER MARRY; and if we have a higher education than our Black Men less likely we are to marry & have children. Almost 70% of all new AIDS/HIV cases is Black Women! AIDS is the #1 killer of Black Women between 25 & 44! Then she says 70% of Black Women are single that includes divorce and widows. I’m not sure what the other ladies especially our girl Dava would think. Why Black Women? Is society hindering us, is it because of our Black Men (good) are being incarcerated more than white men. Are these statistics and there negativity hurting our chances of meeting a mate. Are we failing in teaching our kids about Love & Respect for our Women? What you think?”

By: Tuskegee North

My response is:

Personally, I think many of us encounter our true soul mates and for selfish or foolish reasons let them slip away. So I think it’s rare for anyone to marry their true soul mate. I do believe black women are not getting married in this day and age because black men don’t want to get married. It may seem like I’m blaming all this on the black man but a woman is usually ready to get married it is the man that stalls; eventually the woman will move on trying to find another to marry. Overall, I think the foundation of marriage is not highly favored in our black communities. It’s no longer a noble act to marry; it’s no longer sacred. I think a huge part of that is because our people have become so used to not being married it has become an accepted norm. The days (pre-50’s) of our grandparents that stayed married for life is over. The problem is complex and based on many factors. Too many to discuss in such a short comment field none the less, personally my fear is that I will never marry again or find the man who loves me as equally as I love him. I’ve come to accept that if that is my fate. However, I have also chosen to stop searching and wait for my man to arrive. In regards to the alarming 70% of new HIV cases being black women. I think fundamentally, black women are sleeping around more; trying to find that husband and settle down and in doing so are not being wise with their bodies and making foolish decisions. Some black women may take offense to that however, statistics don’t lie; if 70% of new HIV cases is black women than black women need to change their behaviors. Some may want to consider not giving up their goodies so quickly and go back to making a man wait and that doesn’t mean give it up after 3 dates. Some may want to consider just being with one person instead of trying to find a replacement so quickly after a failed relationship. Everyone should be tested at least once a year but being tested doesn’t equate to not becoming infected.

Some responses from Facebook Friends:

Delores That statistic is very alarming...70% wow!

 

Me ‎70% does seem excessive but I've read that number in other reports. What's even scary is if 70% of all new HIV cases are black women then there's a massive amount of black men already infected thus creating these new HIV cases. That's scary.

 

Delores Really scary, I hope everyone young and old gets something out of reading this.

15 hours ago · Like

· 

Jowanda 

I am going to have to purchase this book. I love reading about relationships - especially in our black community. I too fall within the over 40 and SINGLE!! Angie, at least you can say you've been married before. I'm starting to feel as though I will NEVER marry (not by choice most definitely). I was in a 11 yr relationship & was not afforded the opportunity of marriage so I had to END it. It was sad because I did love him (love him as a friend now, of course). Today, it's hard to find someone........seems like it was easier back in the day. It's unbelievable that 70% of new HIV cases are black women. EYE OPENER!!! Let's not give up on finding our soulmate and on LOVE. I'm still optimistic that he will find us! We just have to keep being strong and being US. He's out there somewhere!! Thanks for posting about this book!!!!

Me Yes, I was married for 14 years but it wasn't for life. I too still want to experience that extraordinary spirtual and life bond with my true love. Your right, relationships are so hard these days but I'm not giving; up just waiting. Thanks for sharing! Don't forget to Invite me to your wedding when your lucky man finds you.

 

Jowanda 

Marriages should be for LIFE!! You are right.......what happened to people our grandparent's ages who stayed together for LIFE? Those were the days. I'm not giving up either. Of course, you will get an invite. You must also invite me to yours as well. He's out there and about to introduce himself to you!!! He may be staring US right in the face & we just don't see HIM yet! Wow.......wouldn't that be AWESOME!!!?? Continue to be BLESSED!!!

 

Angie M umm

Me Ang you couldn't relate you've been married to your middle/high school boyfriend for years.

originally Posted by Ms. Angela's Stuff at 4:36 PM

Letting Go!

Originally Posted - Friday, April 15, 2011

Letting Go!

We all by now have probably heard the saying "never allow someone to be your priority when you're just an option" or "people come into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime". Those sayings and philosophy's make perfect sense however, one thing I struggle with from time to time is letting go of my reason and season people. I eventually do but I think I hang on longer than I should. For those of you out there like myself learn to let go gracefully and completely because who's for you is for you. Anytime your pushing, praying and waiting for someone to feel deeply for you and you know in your heart they may care for you but your not a priority, or been giving the invitation or opportunity to be apart of their life; its time to stop fantasizing and come back to reality. Wishing something to change, grow or evolve when it hasn't already is a waste of time and spirit. Don't ever settle as someone's 2nd, 3rd or 4th option; if you can't be his/her 1st; then on to the next. Unless he/she is as insignificant as you are to them and your both on the same page about that; some people are cool with F buddies or booty call chicks and dudes! For those of us who are not agreeable with those terms just maintain your good morals and have fun. Life is too short to stress over people's feelings or attitudes you can't change or control. Peace!

Originally Posted by Ms. Angela's Stuff at 11:01 PM

Mr. Sierra Leone has Horns

Originally posted - Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Mr. Sierra Leone has Horns

I met a man a few months ago in my building. He stopped me walking across the bridge that connects our two buildings one day. He goes into the whole spill how he saw me walking across the first time and was hoping he ran into me on my way back, etc, etc. We exchanged names and within 10 minutes of returning to my desk he had looked me up in our company directory and sent me an email. We went on our first date about a week later. I was looking to get to know someone and felt the timing was right so I went for it. Besides, he was older than me and I kept hearing my Mother say “Angie leave them young men alone you need someone older”. He was definitely older, by 10 years. To be honest, I was a little turned off by it but to his benefit he didn’t look his age and I felt as long as he had some swag to him; it could work and his good looks didn’t hurt. I came to appreciate his sophistication and his maturity. In addition he was born and raised in Sierra Leone (yes, the Blood Diamond country) and that was fascinating. He has lived in Boston and New York though for over 30 years and would get offended when people said he was African.


For the next two months we spent a lot of together. He wined and dined me at some really nice restaurants and we really enjoyed each other company. Plus, he was super neat (which I absolutely love), dressed really nice, waited on me non-stop and was ALWAYS a gentlemen. I appreciated being treated so well and cared for without any kind of pressure. Besides, I was and still am so tired of being the one that does all the giving. It felt good to be spoiled and paid attention to non-stop. He called and text me all day; literally all day. But he always made it seem like he was just concerned about how I was feeling, did I eat breakfast, how was my morning commute, did I eat lunch, be careful driving, call me when you get there, etc. I was bombarded on the hour with requests and concerns. That should have been a red flag but at first I liked all the attention. I was so caught up in all the attention that I did something I rarely do. We drove to my house one day and picked up J and took him to McDonalds. I don’t allow men I’m dating to come to my house unless I really trust them and it’s only been 3 that have known where I lived. J was a little confused and kept looking around for someone as I was strapping him in his booster seat. Then he asked “where’s Ted”? Mr. Sierra Leone heard him and I pretended I didn’t hear him. J LOVES Ted and at McDonalds he was looking at me like I needed a young priest and an old priest. Poor J he was so confused.


The other red flag should have been when he told me 2 weeks into dating that he loved me. I pretended I didn’t hear and moved on to the next subject quickly. But he mentioned it again and would say “I know you don’t feel the same but one day you’ll mine, ok baby”. I actually got a kick out of the way he says baby so I would just giggle it off and never really give him any indication that he had a chance of that happening. It was something about him that just seemed too good to be true. I told him once “you seem too good to be true. I keep thinking horns are going to pop out at any moment”. He said he is who he says he is and he really is a good person, blah, blah, blah. All the “I love you” continued and hearing him say it didn’t feel right. I think it was because I didn’t believe it. How can you love someone in 2 weeks? But the thought of someone being in love with me felt great but it just didn’t feel good coming from him. Then he would say it a lot more as if he wanted me to reiterate the sentiment but I never did; because I didn’t love him.


Then the horns came out.


He was pressuring me to live with him to the point he was making appointments for us to look at places downtown because I told him I always wanted to live in a loft downtown. He was willing to leave Stockbridge just to get me in a place I always wanted but at what cost? I’m so glad I have some common sense! He was very insecure. The sheer mention of my ex would send him into these moods. He would start ranting saying “maybe you two will get back together you never know", "the love of your life might be back before you know it”, “I’m sure he still wants you back give him another chance”, or “hey I’ll just let you do you, go ahead call if you want”, etc. I forgave him the first time but the other times just freaked me out. I started to realize that man was crazy! He was so insecure about my ex yet he was the one that would incorporate him into our conversations. He would find ways to find out information. He hated we went to the same school at night. God forbid if Ted called me. Then one day I gave him enough advanced notice and let him know I wouldn’t be seeing him on Friday as usual but I was hanging out with my girlfriend. At this point I had decided to move on. That Friday night he calls saying his back was bothering him again to the point that he couldn’t move and he was in so much pain. I guess he wanted to see if I would cancel my plans and come running to his aid but I was actually already hanging out with my sexy "platonic" Nigerian friend. He also works in my building (my building is HOT) and is like my BFF. Ok, I lied to Mr. Sierra Leone and said I was hanging out with my girlfriend. Guess I’m going to hell now! My rationale is this I wasn’t committed to this man and I didn’t have to tell him ish but lying is wrong so I prayed about it.


The next morning when I called to check on him he ignored my calls the rest of the weekend. He told me on Monday that he was in too much pain to answer his phone. Let’s all say Psycho control Freak! I was being punished because I wanted to hang out one night without him. I started to get really turned off by all this and slowly drifted away. He picked up on the fact that I had other stuff going on and wasn’t seeing him as much. This caused him to chill and swept me back up just in time for Valentine’s Day. Yet Valentine’s day didn’t go very well because that Saturday before Valentine’s I fell asleep at his place and something told me to lock the keypad on my phone before I lied down. I took a long nap and when I woke up and returned from using the bathroom I noticed my keypad was off. I failed to remember that he has a Verizon blackberry too and unlocking the keypad doesn’t take much. I got that instant sickening and scared feeling. I knew he went through my phone. I lay back down to not cause suspicion and he wasn’t saying anything. I told him I was going to be leaving soon because I needed to babysit J. He didn’t respond. I was scared because he was acting weird so I got up and left. He then called me talking crazy about I hang out with these guys and looks like I don’t need him for Valentine’s Day after all. I became a man for a split second and said “you trippin, what are you talking about”. I knew then he definitely went through my phone. I also knew then I had to leave his crazy ass alone. So far I haven’t run into him in my building, thank God. Mother’s advice didn’t work out in this case! I thought once people reached a certain age all that nonsense would be behind them. I guess not for everybody?
SideNote: He didn't have much swag. He dressed really nice at work but after work he would wear his jeans or pants snug with a belt with his shirt tucked in. That look is ok for a conservative work setting but is so 80's for hanging out after work. One day I was driving and I warned him I listened to my music loud but out of respect for his old ass I didn't put it on full blast as usual yet he commented "the next time I need to bring ear plugs". I knew then he was too old school for me. I wasn't feeling it!

Originally Posted by Ms. Angela's Stuff at 8:44 PM

Love

Originally Posted - Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Love

LOVE has been on my mind a lot lately. LOVE ! What is it? The word has been debated for centuries, inspired through poetry, portrayed in movies, some claim to have killed over it and some have died to protect it. Is love an action or feeling? Are there different types of love? Is one love more Godly than other love and what does the bible teach about love.


For me love is the unselfish will and desire to put others above you in the pursuit of their happiness and safety. Apostle Paul proclaimed love as being the most important virtue and described love in the famous poem in 1 Corinthians as "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres." (1 Cor. 13:4–7, NIV).


The two entries from above that stood out the most for me were the words “it keeps no record of wrongs” and “always perseveres”. How many of us claim to love each other but can’t or won’t let things go? How many of us take our love away when things don’t go our way as a form of punishment or shame? We all know what love is we’ve demonstrated love towards others and received love from others. Love from a parent is considered to be Agape love (the most selfless and unconditional form of love) mentioned in the bible. However, the highest type of Agape love is not human, but divine which is God’s unconditional love for us. Agape love is demonstrated in courtrooms throughout the world when we witness parents in attendance at their child trial giving support or letting them know they are not alone in some of the most grotesque crimes committed. Agape love is why parents will go hungry so their kids can eat and why parents work 2 or 3 jobs to provide for their children. This is why parents go without new clothes or items they desire to put kids in sporting and other activities because it makes them happy to see their child in events that bring them joy. Agape love is the genuine care and sacrifice a parent will succumb to at the betterment of their children.


So many on facebook and other social sites are so quick to put up scriptures about God and how they praise him yet on a daily basis turn away from their own family out of envy, jealousy and pride. How can one profess to love God so much and despise a sibling or knowingly try to deceive and pit brother against sister or husband against Mother for their own amusement or out of their own insecurities? For those who don’t know…God is love. So why are we; the people created in his image and given the ability to love so out of love with each other? Why isn’t it expressed enough? We are more comfortable talking about sex as a society than about the virtues of true love and the sacrifices made that are willed from love? My answer to those questions: It’s called Sin; the fall of man. Sin by its own nature will make you doubt love and make you afraid of love the one thing that God wants us all to share with each other not just for humanity but to honor him. That is why you can profess to be someone friend openly yet when they receive a blessing your stomach turns sour and you force an insincere smile upon your face to conceal envy and/or jealousy. Platonic or Phileo love between friends is not unconditional by definition but it is love. When you really love you won’t be envious or jealous of anyone because true love delights in others accomplishments and blessings.


I also appreciate M. Scott Peck definition of love and I think it closely goes with the type of love a husband and wife should possess: “Love is not a feeling. Love is an action, an activity. . .Genuine love implies commitment and the exercise of wisdom. . . . love as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth.....true love is an act of will that often transcends ephemeral feelings of love or cathexis, it is correct to say, 'Love is as love does'.”


How many of us profess with deep passion and sincerity that we love our spouse/partner/mate/boyfriend/girlfriend so much yet we feel a sense of power in tearing them apart verbally, physically or emotionally. That can’t be love can it? Granted couples argue and some arguments are ugly. Sometimes things are said but not truly meant. However, when certain behaviors are consistent such as a woman finding pleasure out of telling her man that he aint shit; aint ever gonna be shit, he’s stupid, ignorant, etc that isn’t love that's treachery and vile. The same could be said when a man consistently calls his woman a bitch or tells her she can’t make it without him; she won’t ever find love again because he is all she can get; etc? When you truly love someone don’t you want to see them succeed with you, without you, in spite of you? Don’t you feel a deep concern for their welfare and well-being? That’s love. Love is not spiteful! True love doesn’t stop when you’re left, rejected or disappointed.


I have conversations with God quite often and usually it has to do with affairs of the heart. I’m always asking him why am I such a fool, why am I this way, or why can’t I let go or God help me be a stronger person. Then one day it dawned on me. It’s hard for me to let go of anyone I truly love. It’s not because I expect anything back from them but I’m always concerned about how they are doing? Many times my ex sucked me back in because he had some issue going on. I can’t turn away someone I love because he hurt me 18,000. I just can’t! I’ve tried it and it never works. I don’t care what he has done to me; if something went wrong in his life I was listening and trying to help him come up with a solution. It wasn’t because I wanted him back; it’s because I loved him. True love is constant and consistent; like the tides. However, romantic love goes through stages and changes. Some of us are not in love with people but we still love them platonically; some of us eventually stop loving people all together because of time or other relationships formed.


This may sound like a naïve cliché because the world is full of the Devil but if we could just learn to love one another more boldly, fearlessly and completely without wanting something in return we may experience more of that Agape love God has for us. It won’t be as pure but it would make humanity more blessed. If you can’t find it in your heart to love your neighbor or enemy how about loving the ones you do love; better?

Originally Posted by Ms. Angela's Stuff at 8:01 PM

I Know Longer Feel Like A Love Sick Crackhead

Originally Posted - Wednesday, March 9, 2011

I Know Longer Feel Like A Love Sick Crackhead

This past weekend I moved (Feb 26th). I had to move some furniture out of storage and move them to the kid’s townhome because I decided not to keep them. In addition, I needed to move some of my personal items to my new place. So I asked my ex-boyfriend to help me. I asked his assistance for several reasons: 1) Relying on my two sons to do it would have taken all day; no offense Terrell and David. 2) He is good at organizing moves. 3) He is quick about it and 4) is the only person I know that could put my bed together. Believe me my bed (that I took to the kids) is complicated as hell and he has put it together every time I’ve moved. I was grateful he said he would help considering we hadn’t seen each other in almost two months. None the less; as expected things went great.


What even went better was the realization that I am COMPLETELY over this guy and God it feels wonderful. My kids will beg to differ; because every time I would announce we are over; the eyes would roll and they would say “yeah right Mom”. My smart mouth daughter would ask me every time I went out on a date “does Ted know about this”? But for real for real it’s over. Finally after years of praying to God to give me the strength to move past a relationship that bought me more pain than joy, more chaos than peace, and more dishonesty than truth I’ve been delivered, Praise Jesus.


I’ve known for over a year or so that I’d fallen out of love with him but still stayed in it out of habit or attachment. Since the final decision to let him go I wake up every morning feeling at peace. I feel like that 1,000 pound weight of a continuous broken heart has been lifted from my chest and I can breathe freely. This is how I know I am completely over him. When I saw him walk out to the car when I picked him up Saturday from this girl he is involved with apartment complex I smiled so hard to myself because I had no feelings of want, desire, longing for his touch or none of that. I just said a quiet praise of thanks to God for getting me to that point. Later, when I dropped him off at her place it didn’t bother me or make me feel sad. I drove off, turned up my music, giggling in my spirit and had a wonderful ride back to my new place.


Later that night he called saying I love and miss you crap. I told him thanks I appreciate that and hung up. I don’t know what his definition of love is but a woman in a clear state of reality knows when a man is in love with her because he shows certain behaviors such as respect, honesty, gentleness, care, and will find time to be with you because he desires you. If all those behaviors in addition to others are not present it is not love. He may care for you but he is not in love with you.


Anytime you can roll over in bed at night and don’t think about, care about, stress about what he/she is doing that night or if there with someone else; but just fall to sleep you know you are over someone. It has been that way with him for awhile now. God is good because that relationship took me through some things. One of the things I’ve learned from it is that God gives us the ability to move past all things. It may take some time but we will get through it and overcome it. Why we hold onto relationships that are emotionally and spiritually damaging and draining is a mystery but we do it and I am not the only one guilty of it. Once I came to the realization that some men are just not “relationship ready” and that it was nothing wrong with me I was able to let go. I’ve had 2 great loves in my life and another thing I’ve learned is if I can get over them I can get over anybody. So I will try not to be afraid to really love again. Life’s too short, live and love while you can you may not get another opportunity.

Originally Posted by Ms. Angela's Stuff at 11:23 AM