Originally posted - Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I met a man a few months ago in my building. He stopped me walking across the bridge that connects our two buildings one day. He goes into the whole spill how he saw me walking across the first time and was hoping he ran into me on my way back, etc, etc. We exchanged names and within 10 minutes of returning to my desk he had looked me up in our company directory and sent me an email. We went on our first date about a week later. I was looking to get to know someone and felt the timing was right so I went for it. Besides, he was older than me and I kept hearing my Mother say “Angie leave them young men alone you need someone older”. He was definitely older, by 10 years. To be honest, I was a little turned off by it but to his benefit he didn’t look his age and I felt as long as he had some swag to him; it could work and his good looks didn’t hurt. I came to appreciate his sophistication and his maturity. In addition he was born and raised in Sierra Leone (yes, the Blood Diamond country) and that was fascinating. He has lived in Boston and New York though for over 30 years and would get offended when people said he was African.
For the next two months we spent a lot of together. He wined and dined me at some really nice restaurants and we really enjoyed each other company. Plus, he was super neat (which I absolutely love), dressed really nice, waited on me non-stop and was ALWAYS a gentlemen. I appreciated being treated so well and cared for without any kind of pressure. Besides, I was and still am so tired of being the one that does all the giving. It felt good to be spoiled and paid attention to non-stop. He called and text me all day; literally all day. But he always made it seem like he was just concerned about how I was feeling, did I eat breakfast, how was my morning commute, did I eat lunch, be careful driving, call me when you get there, etc. I was bombarded on the hour with requests and concerns. That should have been a red flag but at first I liked all the attention. I was so caught up in all the attention that I did something I rarely do. We drove to my house one day and picked up J and took him to McDonalds. I don’t allow men I’m dating to come to my house unless I really trust them and it’s only been 3 that have known where I lived. J was a little confused and kept looking around for someone as I was strapping him in his booster seat. Then he asked “where’s Ted”? Mr. Sierra Leone heard him and I pretended I didn’t hear him. J LOVES Ted and at McDonalds he was looking at me like I needed a young priest and an old priest. Poor J he was so confused.
The other red flag should have been when he told me 2 weeks into dating that he loved me. I pretended I didn’t hear and moved on to the next subject quickly. But he mentioned it again and would say “I know you don’t feel the same but one day you’ll mine, ok baby”. I actually got a kick out of the way he says baby so I would just giggle it off and never really give him any indication that he had a chance of that happening. It was something about him that just seemed too good to be true. I told him once “you seem too good to be true. I keep thinking horns are going to pop out at any moment”. He said he is who he says he is and he really is a good person, blah, blah, blah. All the “I love you” continued and hearing him say it didn’t feel right. I think it was because I didn’t believe it. How can you love someone in 2 weeks? But the thought of someone being in love with me felt great but it just didn’t feel good coming from him. Then he would say it a lot more as if he wanted me to reiterate the sentiment but I never did; because I didn’t love him.
Then the horns came out.
He was pressuring me to live with him to the point he was making appointments for us to look at places downtown because I told him I always wanted to live in a loft downtown. He was willing to leave Stockbridge just to get me in a place I always wanted but at what cost? I’m so glad I have some common sense! He was very insecure. The sheer mention of my ex would send him into these moods. He would start ranting saying “maybe you two will get back together you never know", "the love of your life might be back before you know it”, “I’m sure he still wants you back give him another chance”, or “hey I’ll just let you do you, go ahead call if you want”, etc. I forgave him the first time but the other times just freaked me out. I started to realize that man was crazy! He was so insecure about my ex yet he was the one that would incorporate him into our conversations. He would find ways to find out information. He hated we went to the same school at night. God forbid if Ted called me. Then one day I gave him enough advanced notice and let him know I wouldn’t be seeing him on Friday as usual but I was hanging out with my girlfriend. At this point I had decided to move on. That Friday night he calls saying his back was bothering him again to the point that he couldn’t move and he was in so much pain. I guess he wanted to see if I would cancel my plans and come running to his aid but I was actually already hanging out with my sexy "platonic" Nigerian friend. He also works in my building (my building is HOT) and is like my BFF. Ok, I lied to Mr. Sierra Leone and said I was hanging out with my girlfriend. Guess I’m going to hell now! My rationale is this I wasn’t committed to this man and I didn’t have to tell him ish but lying is wrong so I prayed about it.
The next morning when I called to check on him he ignored my calls the rest of the weekend. He told me on Monday that he was in too much pain to answer his phone. Let’s all say Psycho control Freak! I was being punished because I wanted to hang out one night without him. I started to get really turned off by all this and slowly drifted away. He picked up on the fact that I had other stuff going on and wasn’t seeing him as much. This caused him to chill and swept me back up just in time for Valentine’s Day. Yet Valentine’s day didn’t go very well because that Saturday before Valentine’s I fell asleep at his place and something told me to lock the keypad on my phone before I lied down. I took a long nap and when I woke up and returned from using the bathroom I noticed my keypad was off. I failed to remember that he has a Verizon blackberry too and unlocking the keypad doesn’t take much. I got that instant sickening and scared feeling. I knew he went through my phone. I lay back down to not cause suspicion and he wasn’t saying anything. I told him I was going to be leaving soon because I needed to babysit J. He didn’t respond. I was scared because he was acting weird so I got up and left. He then called me talking crazy about I hang out with these guys and looks like I don’t need him for Valentine’s Day after all. I became a man for a split second and said “you trippin, what are you talking about”. I knew then he definitely went through my phone. I also knew then I had to leave his crazy ass alone. So far I haven’t run into him in my building, thank God. Mother’s advice didn’t work out in this case! I thought once people reached a certain age all that nonsense would be behind them. I guess not for everybody?
SideNote: He didn't have much swag. He dressed really nice at work but after work he would wear his jeans or pants snug with a belt with his shirt tucked in. That look is ok for a conservative work setting but is so 80's for hanging out after work. One day I was driving and I warned him I listened to my music loud but out of respect for his old ass I didn't put it on full blast as usual yet he commented "the next time I need to bring ear plugs". I knew then he was too old school for me. I wasn't feeling it!
For the next two months we spent a lot of together. He wined and dined me at some really nice restaurants and we really enjoyed each other company. Plus, he was super neat (which I absolutely love), dressed really nice, waited on me non-stop and was ALWAYS a gentlemen. I appreciated being treated so well and cared for without any kind of pressure. Besides, I was and still am so tired of being the one that does all the giving. It felt good to be spoiled and paid attention to non-stop. He called and text me all day; literally all day. But he always made it seem like he was just concerned about how I was feeling, did I eat breakfast, how was my morning commute, did I eat lunch, be careful driving, call me when you get there, etc. I was bombarded on the hour with requests and concerns. That should have been a red flag but at first I liked all the attention. I was so caught up in all the attention that I did something I rarely do. We drove to my house one day and picked up J and took him to McDonalds. I don’t allow men I’m dating to come to my house unless I really trust them and it’s only been 3 that have known where I lived. J was a little confused and kept looking around for someone as I was strapping him in his booster seat. Then he asked “where’s Ted”? Mr. Sierra Leone heard him and I pretended I didn’t hear him. J LOVES Ted and at McDonalds he was looking at me like I needed a young priest and an old priest. Poor J he was so confused.
The other red flag should have been when he told me 2 weeks into dating that he loved me. I pretended I didn’t hear and moved on to the next subject quickly. But he mentioned it again and would say “I know you don’t feel the same but one day you’ll mine, ok baby”. I actually got a kick out of the way he says baby so I would just giggle it off and never really give him any indication that he had a chance of that happening. It was something about him that just seemed too good to be true. I told him once “you seem too good to be true. I keep thinking horns are going to pop out at any moment”. He said he is who he says he is and he really is a good person, blah, blah, blah. All the “I love you” continued and hearing him say it didn’t feel right. I think it was because I didn’t believe it. How can you love someone in 2 weeks? But the thought of someone being in love with me felt great but it just didn’t feel good coming from him. Then he would say it a lot more as if he wanted me to reiterate the sentiment but I never did; because I didn’t love him.
Then the horns came out.
He was pressuring me to live with him to the point he was making appointments for us to look at places downtown because I told him I always wanted to live in a loft downtown. He was willing to leave Stockbridge just to get me in a place I always wanted but at what cost? I’m so glad I have some common sense! He was very insecure. The sheer mention of my ex would send him into these moods. He would start ranting saying “maybe you two will get back together you never know", "the love of your life might be back before you know it”, “I’m sure he still wants you back give him another chance”, or “hey I’ll just let you do you, go ahead call if you want”, etc. I forgave him the first time but the other times just freaked me out. I started to realize that man was crazy! He was so insecure about my ex yet he was the one that would incorporate him into our conversations. He would find ways to find out information. He hated we went to the same school at night. God forbid if Ted called me. Then one day I gave him enough advanced notice and let him know I wouldn’t be seeing him on Friday as usual but I was hanging out with my girlfriend. At this point I had decided to move on. That Friday night he calls saying his back was bothering him again to the point that he couldn’t move and he was in so much pain. I guess he wanted to see if I would cancel my plans and come running to his aid but I was actually already hanging out with my sexy "platonic" Nigerian friend. He also works in my building (my building is HOT) and is like my BFF. Ok, I lied to Mr. Sierra Leone and said I was hanging out with my girlfriend. Guess I’m going to hell now! My rationale is this I wasn’t committed to this man and I didn’t have to tell him ish but lying is wrong so I prayed about it.
The next morning when I called to check on him he ignored my calls the rest of the weekend. He told me on Monday that he was in too much pain to answer his phone. Let’s all say Psycho control Freak! I was being punished because I wanted to hang out one night without him. I started to get really turned off by all this and slowly drifted away. He picked up on the fact that I had other stuff going on and wasn’t seeing him as much. This caused him to chill and swept me back up just in time for Valentine’s Day. Yet Valentine’s day didn’t go very well because that Saturday before Valentine’s I fell asleep at his place and something told me to lock the keypad on my phone before I lied down. I took a long nap and when I woke up and returned from using the bathroom I noticed my keypad was off. I failed to remember that he has a Verizon blackberry too and unlocking the keypad doesn’t take much. I got that instant sickening and scared feeling. I knew he went through my phone. I lay back down to not cause suspicion and he wasn’t saying anything. I told him I was going to be leaving soon because I needed to babysit J. He didn’t respond. I was scared because he was acting weird so I got up and left. He then called me talking crazy about I hang out with these guys and looks like I don’t need him for Valentine’s Day after all. I became a man for a split second and said “you trippin, what are you talking about”. I knew then he definitely went through my phone. I also knew then I had to leave his crazy ass alone. So far I haven’t run into him in my building, thank God. Mother’s advice didn’t work out in this case! I thought once people reached a certain age all that nonsense would be behind them. I guess not for everybody?
SideNote: He didn't have much swag. He dressed really nice at work but after work he would wear his jeans or pants snug with a belt with his shirt tucked in. That look is ok for a conservative work setting but is so 80's for hanging out after work. One day I was driving and I warned him I listened to my music loud but out of respect for his old ass I didn't put it on full blast as usual yet he commented "the next time I need to bring ear plugs". I knew then he was too old school for me. I wasn't feeling it!
Originally Posted by Ms. Angela's Stuff at 8:44 PM
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