Do Soul Mates Exist, Black Women not marrying and HIV

originally posted - Saturday, April 16, 2011

An FB Friend recently sent me the very passionate message below... and I aint gonna front about being able to provide the right answers for these valid concerns! Maybe yall can help me out because I’m just as perplexed about some of these serious issues too, and wonder if they truly prevent someone from finding a “Soulmate.” BTW, what is your definition of a SOULMATE and is there one out there for you or have you given up the search?
“Hey TN, Im reading this “Soulmate” documentary by Andrea Wiley and Im not liking what is being said about Black Women, especially the Over 40 crew which includes me. I’m bringing it to you for your opinion. It reads that Black Women are 5X’s more likely to remain SINGLE than white women; 42% of us will NEVER MARRY; and if we have a higher education than our Black Men less likely we are to marry & have children. Almost 70% of all new AIDS/HIV cases is Black Women! AIDS is the #1 killer of Black Women between 25 & 44! Then she says 70% of Black Women are single that includes divorce and widows. I’m not sure what the other ladies especially our girl Dava would think. Why Black Women? Is society hindering us, is it because of our Black Men (good) are being incarcerated more than white men. Are these statistics and there negativity hurting our chances of meeting a mate. Are we failing in teaching our kids about Love & Respect for our Women? What you think?”

By: Tuskegee North

My response is:

Personally, I think many of us encounter our true soul mates and for selfish or foolish reasons let them slip away. So I think it’s rare for anyone to marry their true soul mate. I do believe black women are not getting married in this day and age because black men don’t want to get married. It may seem like I’m blaming all this on the black man but a woman is usually ready to get married it is the man that stalls; eventually the woman will move on trying to find another to marry. Overall, I think the foundation of marriage is not highly favored in our black communities. It’s no longer a noble act to marry; it’s no longer sacred. I think a huge part of that is because our people have become so used to not being married it has become an accepted norm. The days (pre-50’s) of our grandparents that stayed married for life is over. The problem is complex and based on many factors. Too many to discuss in such a short comment field none the less, personally my fear is that I will never marry again or find the man who loves me as equally as I love him. I’ve come to accept that if that is my fate. However, I have also chosen to stop searching and wait for my man to arrive. In regards to the alarming 70% of new HIV cases being black women. I think fundamentally, black women are sleeping around more; trying to find that husband and settle down and in doing so are not being wise with their bodies and making foolish decisions. Some black women may take offense to that however, statistics don’t lie; if 70% of new HIV cases is black women than black women need to change their behaviors. Some may want to consider not giving up their goodies so quickly and go back to making a man wait and that doesn’t mean give it up after 3 dates. Some may want to consider just being with one person instead of trying to find a replacement so quickly after a failed relationship. Everyone should be tested at least once a year but being tested doesn’t equate to not becoming infected.

Some responses from Facebook Friends:

Delores That statistic is very alarming...70% wow!

 

Me ‎70% does seem excessive but I've read that number in other reports. What's even scary is if 70% of all new HIV cases are black women then there's a massive amount of black men already infected thus creating these new HIV cases. That's scary.

 

Delores Really scary, I hope everyone young and old gets something out of reading this.

15 hours ago · Like

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Jowanda 

I am going to have to purchase this book. I love reading about relationships - especially in our black community. I too fall within the over 40 and SINGLE!! Angie, at least you can say you've been married before. I'm starting to feel as though I will NEVER marry (not by choice most definitely). I was in a 11 yr relationship & was not afforded the opportunity of marriage so I had to END it. It was sad because I did love him (love him as a friend now, of course). Today, it's hard to find someone........seems like it was easier back in the day. It's unbelievable that 70% of new HIV cases are black women. EYE OPENER!!! Let's not give up on finding our soulmate and on LOVE. I'm still optimistic that he will find us! We just have to keep being strong and being US. He's out there somewhere!! Thanks for posting about this book!!!!

Me Yes, I was married for 14 years but it wasn't for life. I too still want to experience that extraordinary spirtual and life bond with my true love. Your right, relationships are so hard these days but I'm not giving; up just waiting. Thanks for sharing! Don't forget to Invite me to your wedding when your lucky man finds you.

 

Jowanda 

Marriages should be for LIFE!! You are right.......what happened to people our grandparent's ages who stayed together for LIFE? Those were the days. I'm not giving up either. Of course, you will get an invite. You must also invite me to yours as well. He's out there and about to introduce himself to you!!! He may be staring US right in the face & we just don't see HIM yet! Wow.......wouldn't that be AWESOME!!!?? Continue to be BLESSED!!!

 

Angie M umm

Me Ang you couldn't relate you've been married to your middle/high school boyfriend for years.

originally Posted by Ms. Angela's Stuff at 4:36 PM